Confessions of the almost 30

18 01 2011

30 is the new black. Oh wait. That’s not how that goes. 30 is the new… limbo? Is it really the new anything?

As my day of doom approaches I’ve been pretty lighthearted. Even smiled when asked about it.

Here is my confession. I’m actually mildly terrified. This is not at all what I thought thirty would be. It’s not at all what other people tell me about their thirty was. Wasn’t I supposed to be someone else by now?

Don’t stop reading, this is not a pity party. Because overall I’m happy with my life, I have the most amazing family, a handsome boyfriend that I’m pretty sure adores me,  absolutely premium friends spanning several states and time zones, two stinky felines which I love,and a smattering of other blessings that I am ever so grateful for.

This is more my confession of the terror of this unknown person I’ve become.  A complete stranger to the “grown up” that the young me dreamed up. The twinge I feel deep somewhere when I hear of engagements and weddings and babies, especially, and forgive me, when they come to those younger than me.  The bigger unanswered question being, even knowing these things are a cliche , probably hormonally related ,and completely out of my hands, Is it wrong that I yearn for them still? That I feel with this milestone approaching they are swiftly slipping from my grasp? Aren’t I supposed to be content with the blessings the Lord has given me and trust that he knows the desires of my heart?

Yes. I am. I know this. So I’m going to work harder at finding meaning , purpose and joy in my life as it is now. To focus less on the things I don’t have and pour more energy and love into the things I do. It’s going to be hard, and some days I won’t do so well. But some days ,I will. Some days I will succeed at being a light to someone else. I can be a friend, a daughter, a sister , a girlfriend. Not everything I’d hoped for, but it’s more than some have , and it’s enough.

 

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One response

19 01 2011
Sarah aka Sister

Glenna, you are an amazing, beautiful, loving and all-around bad a*$ person :). I know you didn’t write this post to get high praise from people or a pat on the back, but its my knee jerk reaction. Just know that you may feel like the 30 that you are about to be isn’t what you thought of at 16….but, to those that aren’t you, there are so many things that you have accomplished that they strive for–and, that includes me :). I love you and am so blessed to have an older sister that I admire and that loves me for me and pushes me, whether you know it or not, to be a better person, a stronger independent person, and like I said before, a general bad a*$ :). Lots of love from Charlotte!

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