Bless my heart Birthday Update

8 03 2011

Usually in the south when we start or end a statement with “Bless your/her/his heart” it’s just an excuse for saying something mean or impolite about someone. But sometimes we do mean it.

So it happened. I’m 30.  Much to my surprise I didn’t wake up that morning and discover a stranger staring back at me in the mirror. I wasn’t wrinkled or sagging any place new.

The  day was full of friends, family and delicious nomz. Also an unexpected and horrifying birthday serenade. I’m sorry if you missed that in person because the details cannot be revealed in polite company. If curiosity is killing you, meet me at Northside one thursday , buy me a Strongbow and I’ll tell you all the sordid details.

Setting aside all the pampering, face stuffing and general frivolity of the weekend , something else was going on too. My boyfriend came along and was meeting my family for the first time.  Not just the parents, but lots of family, a gaggle of friends and assortment of other characters. He got to hear my southern accent come out of hiding and heard all my favorite southern expressions including the “bless her heart”. He put up with ridicule, being called my ex’s name, and sleeping at my parents house with general good humor and the easy going attitude that is among the many reasons that he’s captured my heart. He also made sure I felt adored, beautiful and special on a day he knew would be hard for me. So yeah, he may play alot of video games, and he may never eat any of the crazy culinary concoctions I come up with, but I’m ok with that because when and where it matters,  he wins.

So there you have it. I’m thirty, unmarried and not at all where I’d thought I’d be. But I’m loved and happy. Bless my heart indeed.

Goals for Year 30 :

1. Get Healthy

2. Start Nursing School


Confessions of the almost 30

18 01 2011

30 is the new black. Oh wait. That’s not how that goes. 30 is the new… limbo? Is it really the new anything?

As my day of doom approaches I’ve been pretty lighthearted. Even smiled when asked about it.

Here is my confession. I’m actually mildly terrified. This is not at all what I thought thirty would be. It’s not at all what other people tell me about their thirty was. Wasn’t I supposed to be someone else by now?

Don’t stop reading, this is not a pity party. Because overall I’m happy with my life, I have the most amazing family, a handsome boyfriend that I’m pretty sure adores me,  absolutely premium friends spanning several states and time zones, two stinky felines which I love,and a smattering of other blessings that I am ever so grateful for.

This is more my confession of the terror of this unknown person I’ve become.  A complete stranger to the “grown up” that the young me dreamed up. The twinge I feel deep somewhere when I hear of engagements and weddings and babies, especially, and forgive me, when they come to those younger than me.  The bigger unanswered question being, even knowing these things are a cliche , probably hormonally related ,and completely out of my hands, Is it wrong that I yearn for them still? That I feel with this milestone approaching they are swiftly slipping from my grasp? Aren’t I supposed to be content with the blessings the Lord has given me and trust that he knows the desires of my heart?

Yes. I am. I know this. So I’m going to work harder at finding meaning , purpose and joy in my life as it is now. To focus less on the things I don’t have and pour more energy and love into the things I do. It’s going to be hard, and some days I won’t do so well. But some days ,I will. Some days I will succeed at being a light to someone else. I can be a friend, a daughter, a sister , a girlfriend. Not everything I’d hoped for, but it’s more than some have , and it’s enough.


Spoiled Without Shame

9 12 2010

I’m notoriously bad at picking boyfriends. I seem to really exceed at choosing to fall for men that will be ridiculously wrong for me. Ask anyone who’s known me for the past 10 years. They will whole heartedly agree. Start with my mother, she will have alot to say on the matter.  I know I’m not alone in this affliction.  Many of my sex seem to be making the same mistakes I have.  Bad boys, emotionally retarded men, men still in love with someone else, men who can’t commit…the list goes on.

This post will not be a trashing of men, or even of my ex-boyfriends.  In fact several of them will probably read this and either agree with me or , know that this isn’t about them. Instead this post is about the other side of the fence.

It’s taken me quite awhile to figure out a big secret about myself. Being a lady, I won’t admit to how many years but let’s just say I’m a slow learner. The secret is something my aforementioned mother told me many times over. But of course, she was an idiot for the first 20 years of my life and knew nothing. Now she’s one of the smartest people I know and I’m not sure how that changed overnight.  Anyways…back to the secret.

I, Glenna, am a beautiful, amazing, talented, special child of God and absolutely worthy of being adored and loved and sought after. I don’t have to settle for less than I deserve.  I don’t have to feel shame or guilt about wanting these things.  It doesn’t mean I want to live in a fairy tale or that I’m not realistic. It just means I know that I don’t have to be with someone who isn’t absolutely crazy about me .

So I’m not. Ever again.

For the last couple months I’ve been dating a guy. (this post will likely embarrass him) It’s still fun and new and exciting. But the absolute best part of it is, he spoils me. In all the ways that count. Not with gifts or silly words, but with his time, the way he looks at me, the fact that I never question whether he thinks I’m beautiful or special, and his thoughtfulness.  ( Oh and he lets me eat a strawberry sundae for dinner without blinking an eye )

Do I know what the future holds for us? No, it’s early and that is ok. But no matter what comes, I’m ever in debt to him for the reaffirmation of my mothers promise to me. That one day, someone would come along and make me believe these things about myself.

I’m spoiled, I deserve it and I like it.

Here is another thing. My secret? It’s the same for all of you. Just ask my mom.

No Girl Left Behind

1 11 2010

Well here we are. November 1st.  So much has happened since the start of this venture that I scarcely remember how it came up in the first place.

The good news is, we all did it. Not just the original three either but several that joined in after the pact had been placed.  I’d like to say that all of the dates were fabulous and that all of them turned into fantastic relationships but we don’t live in that kind of fantasy land. And the truth is, that wasn’t the point. The point was to jump into the ocean, sharks and all . We did that much.

There has been much laughter, a few tears,  lots of late night talks . The best of which was recently for a friends birthday where over fantastic wine, soup and chocolate covered delights we talked about the whole adventure and laughed so much my face hurt the next day. God has truly spoiled me when it comes to friends.

Where do we go from here? Well this girl certainly isn’t done sharing my trials and tribulations with you all. I’ll go on writing about the tidbits of life that strike me as interesting. I’m sure there will be an upcoming entry into my new exciting role in radio…I’ve been on a few dates now with the same guy, and it’s making me smile a lot. To the point my co-workers are starting to question me and make sure I’m alright.  So far he’s pretty ok and I’m happy and I like both of those things.

So now that this part of the  journey has come to an end,I hope maybe it’s inspired someone out there to just go out and do whatever it is you’ve been wanting to do but didn’t. Make a bet with friends, write it on your mirror so you see it everyday, talk to God about it. Do whatever you have to do to make sure you aren’t hiding from the fullness of life. It’s worth it.

Lemon Sherbet- In brief.

19 10 2010

This post could contain things it doesn’t. It also doesn’t contain things it probably should.  Here is my general broad statement for you all before I digress into the fray, Be cautious, guard your heart and always carry a knife in your car. Ok that last part I didn’t really need but seriously, the world is full of  instability and less than stable people.  Chances are you will date at least one of them.

On to the goods!!

Things are looking good for the three dating musketeers. So far two out of three have had at least one date before deadline and word on the wire is there is something promising out there for number three.

It might actually happen. We might actually accomplish this mission.

As much as I would love to share with you all the delicious details spilled between girls about all the dates, I can’t. But I can share with you a brief glimpse into one of mine.

To say I was nervous wouldn’t give light to the true nature of the feelings coursing through me. Dating again? Me? Why am I doing this again? It’s exciting during the picking a cute outift and shoes phase. Even exciting during the driving phase of wonderment. But the part where you pull in the parking lot. That’s nothing but terror. A million questions and doubts spring into orbit behind your eyes and you become certain that your words will fail you. Mine went sorta like this.

After a slightly awkward hello the date is on.  I notice he’s attractive, more so than his picture led me to believe. This is good. He opens doors not only for me but for others and the elderly. More points. The conversation is immediately entertaining and like talking to a friend but more exciting. Almost three hours escape and you realize they probably really want you to leave the table. But you’ve had a great time talking and laughing with someone who might actually get your sense of humor. Who maybe even accept your lack of normalcy but instead of turning away might actually embrace it and laugh about it with you. He turns out to have nice manners, walks you to the car and gives you a hug. All in all, not a bad way to do this dating thing. This ginger girl had a lovely evening and is certainly feeling less wary of dating again.

Will there be a second date? Mayhaps. I guess stay tuned.

Typhoid Mary sings the Blues

4 10 2010

St. Elizabeths Emergency Room is not someplace you want to spend much time in. The lighting is terrible and harsh, it smells funny and it’s likely you will be surrounded by trauma and/or insanity. I’ve been there twice in the past two weeks.  The medical jury is apparently still out on what ails me. Regardless of my lack of diagnosis it’s been a rough couple of weeks that I’ve mostly survived by having great friends and lot’s of prayer.

So I’m apologizing for my lack of blogging and keeping you all updated on the goings on.

Truth be told there isn’t much to tell. Still haven’t been on my date, although I have a several very good excuses. The least of which being that no one has asked me.  Also the other original musketeer remains dateless. The third, the one who took the invisible prize early on, is still seeing the same boy.

Since God told me not to worry about it I’m not.

But I thought I’d share this instead. My friend Megan C. is also writing a blog right now about dating. (You can find the link to your right) Her most recent entry is about going on a date with someone much shorter than her and her insecurities about such a thing. I myself am also a tall girl and have shared the same insecurity for most of my life, and yet through some comical twist of fate seem to end up falling for guys all under 6’0. It’s taught me over time that the superficial things we dream of as younger women seem to fall away as we get older. Not because we are more desperate, but because I think we start to prioritize our needs differently. Don’t get me wrong, there is still part of me that wants tall , dark and handsome Mr. Darcy to come strolling across the moor to tell me he can’t live without me. But I think I know now that my Mr.Darcy may not be all of those things. That the parts of Mr.Darcy I really love are his honesty, integrity, devotion and willingness to give of himself to others without request. So the packaging is just that. Just fluff holding in the things I want to fall in love with. Can I live without the tall , dark and handsome bits? Probably. Although the handsomeness is usually something that can grow with admiration of other qualities.

So dear readers, what’s the packaging you can’t live without? Have you overlooked someone simply because they were too skinny, too fat, too short, not enough hair ? Does God maybe have that perfect someone out there for you that you wouldn’t give a second glance to because their hair color isn’t what you’ve always liked. So as my first BFF Megan C says maybe it’s time to start looking a little harder and give people a little more than a quick once over and brush off.

Just my thoughts. If they don’t seem as fluid as usual, blame the Vicodin.

PS- 27 days left.

936 hours, Lemon Sherbet and things God says you don’t want to hear.

22 09 2010

My name is Glenna and I’m a delinquent blogger. It’s been 23 days since my last confession.

There is a good reason though I promise. I’ve been processing some things that directly effect the recent subject matter of my blog. Here is a stolen glimpse through a lamp lit window into my last few weeks.

You’re night is going pretty normal, if you’re me that means you are reading on the couch with a cat perched somewhere on your person. Then you get a text. It says  “I was just talking to God about you and he gave me words for you, but I’m not sure you’ll like it. Can I call you?”

Well two things immediately happen in my brain. One -Oh great God wants me to join a interpretive dance team. and Two- I’m so blessed to have a friend that gives his time talking to God about me.

So my friend/brother of my heart Rob calls me. He says he was praying for me about this singleness thing and about the devastation my heart went through after moving to Kentucky.  The conversation was full of laughter, as it always is, but mostly him telling me the words he felt God gave him for me. Basically it boiled down to a simple message.  One that brought me back to the Nooma series video “Rain”. The story there is that a father is carrying his very young child through a torrential downpour and thunderstorm while hiking home. The child was screaming and terrified and the father  said the whole way home he just held him so tight to his heart and whispered “Ive got you buddy, We’re gonna make it, Daddy knows the way home.”

The words my friend  Rob had for me were sort of  like that. It was something to the effect of stop worrying. I’ve put a call in your heart, seek me and listen to my words in your heart. I’ve got this. You don’t need to worry. I know the desires of your heart. I’ve got this.  What you went through was awful, but it brought you to a community of faith, friendships with purpose and love, and most importantly into a more dynamic relationship with me. So Stop worrying. Let all that go. I’ve got this, you’ll make it where you want to be because I know the way.

Interestingly enough a week before that, shortly after writing my last blog I got a less clear version of this message in my prayer time. For me it came across as, you want my help with this midwife thing, you trust me with that, trust me with the rest of this too. So the call from Rob was a confirmation. I said ok Lord. I’m yours.

It’s not that I was in any way “worried” about this particular date. My worry was more broad spectrum of being 29 and having friends and family younger than me getting married and having babies and has left me  feeling  like I had missed my chances.

So. I made the decision to shut down the internet dating thing 2 weeks ago. Since then I’ve  told my friends/fellow participants in the date scheme  about this message and that I wasn’t sure if I would make our deadline since I would no longer be actively pursuing that goal or worried about it.

Don’t lose heart yet reader. There are still others in the running that are sure to provide us with entertainment and hope.

The first one I told you about , has now been on several dates and I think it’s safe to say that their friendship is blooming. The second of the original three is being stubborn but I haven’t lost hope for her yet. And me? Maybe it will happen for me too.

Before I wrap this manifesto up I have a secret to share. We decided (or I mandated) that there should be a code word at the beginning of this that we would use if we had a date and it went well. It was “Lemon Sherbet” .  It would be posted on the social network of choice and/or texted. Feel free to share this with your friends and be on the lookout for posts regarding frozen treats. At least for the next 936 hours until Halloween.